THINGZ THAT MAKE U SAY...HMMMMMMMMM......
Ever knew someone who dug you like a grave, couldn't seem to get enough of your passionate verbage and your southern style of wordplay. Would laugh and talk into the wee hours of the morning sharing convos about everything imaginable and nothing at all. Felt as if you were falling into some unknown hemisphere cause they made you feel so mothafuckin good simply cause they listened to the shyt you had to say, hell, they was digging you, and you was digging them. What began as a simple mental connection began to form and take shape into an actual relationship, the promise of infinite friendship was spoken from both your lips cause you couldn't seem to imagine life without them. They added something special to your existence, and just seemed to make you happy. Yeah, feeling good about not only the way they made you feel but the things that came outta you when they stood before you and looked into your eyes, didn't have to say a word, cause well you just knew. You knew that they felt what others didn't feel or couldn't see, and it was apparent to you that they wanted you. What a beautiful blessing it is to just be wanted, desired by another human life just because you exist. One who takes your words and wraps them around them and allows them to envolop their soul and make life more real than it was imaginable.
At least until reality sets in. Yeah that part in the relationship where the initial bewilderment wears off and you recognize the more human side of the person. That beneath the smile, the sexy walk, the intense passion inside of them, that they are simply human. They make mistakes, have things about them that are not as attractive, because closeness is meant to bring awareness of the hidden things that sometimes blinds you when you get startstruck after your worlds first collide. I mean it amazes me how when you begin to realize a person is simply human sometimes it's often just too much for us.
We back away as if they are ome sort of alien from outter space who speaks in a foreign tongue. Where conversation should increase for the purpose of continuing to build the friendship/relationship, it seems to wander off and distance sets in. Now when you speak its as if you have to find some common ground on which to speak as certain conversations can't be had because they piss the person off, when at one time, there was a freedom to express whateva, whenever, now you find yourself loving one who censors you. Takes your words, expressions and lets them them roll off into some forbidden place where there's darkness and no life resides. I mean at some point in our lives it happens, but you just never expect it to happen with this one individual cause they say things like.....'you bout to get that ring' or ditto, after you say guess what? it's funny now to only have a memory of some of the cute lil sentiments that came to mean so much to you seem as if they are nothing to you anymore.
Maybe it's that thing called Boredom. You get bored when the human side surfaces realizing that anything worth having you gotta work at, and sometimes that's too much like putting effort into something that might fail, so you simply shut them out, shut yourself off from them, cause well, that's what you've always done and it works. Only thing is, in the process of you being bored, you hurt the other person, You take something from them and leave them with nothing. Its easy to say, oh they'll get over it and move on, as they most likely will, but the point is, you promised to never do such a thing cause this was supposed to be different. You know you never stopped being who you were simply cause others still enjoy your personality and your conversation but to the one who truly matters, you simply become someone inside their computer, turning them on and off at will. In a perfect world this would never happen, but this individual often told you the world is not perfect. You just didnt realize that in a sense they expected you to be. You smile inspite of your hurt, refuse to allow yourself to sink into a depression because well you're stronger than that, and you're not a quitter, but damn.......how could you possibly get bored with someone like me. I mean hell, not only am I beautiful, sexy as hell, but well Im smart and educated and understand human nature and love good conversation. I sit and shake my head as this is a place I've never been in before, and yes in a sense my ego is suffering, but not nearly as much as my heart. My heart hurts and I need you to know that you hurt it. Whether it means anything to you or not it means something to me. I can't be one of 'them' I say that so much it seems like you slowly put me in that place. Allowed other's opinions of this 'long distance love to create distance that is irrepariable, or is it?.
Even when I broke my neck to show you there's no real distance when there's real love, I get pused away. That amazes me! But I'm not gonna go any further because I've make it apparent that I'm simply human, and if that's not enough, then go ahead tuck this email away in some neat lil file in your computer like you do all the rest of the cute lil emails, pics, videos, phone convo's and visits that once meant something, but now just occupy space inside your box.
But I want you to know something, as you surf for the next one with your charming personality and your witty style of convo, recognize that one of these days, you'll realize that you can't just go through life treating people this way simply because you're hurt and refuse to deal with your own issues, and one day my friend, its' gonna backfire and that same place that you've put me in, youll find yourself there. I refuse to stop praying and believing, nor will I ever wish any ill will on you or share what we have with another, but damn, this is fucked up and needs to be dealt with. Can I say I don't love you, nope cause I do, can I say I don't miss you, nope cause that would be me kidding myself, but I will say that being filed away because of a thing called bordom is a horrible feeling. One that I wish on no one!
I said all that to say, what's up with you, why are you ignoring me? I thought we were betta that that!
At least until reality sets in. Yeah that part in the relationship where the initial bewilderment wears off and you recognize the more human side of the person. That beneath the smile, the sexy walk, the intense passion inside of them, that they are simply human. They make mistakes, have things about them that are not as attractive, because closeness is meant to bring awareness of the hidden things that sometimes blinds you when you get startstruck after your worlds first collide. I mean it amazes me how when you begin to realize a person is simply human sometimes it's often just too much for us.
We back away as if they are ome sort of alien from outter space who speaks in a foreign tongue. Where conversation should increase for the purpose of continuing to build the friendship/relationship, it seems to wander off and distance sets in. Now when you speak its as if you have to find some common ground on which to speak as certain conversations can't be had because they piss the person off, when at one time, there was a freedom to express whateva, whenever, now you find yourself loving one who censors you. Takes your words, expressions and lets them them roll off into some forbidden place where there's darkness and no life resides. I mean at some point in our lives it happens, but you just never expect it to happen with this one individual cause they say things like.....'you bout to get that ring' or ditto, after you say guess what? it's funny now to only have a memory of some of the cute lil sentiments that came to mean so much to you seem as if they are nothing to you anymore.
Maybe it's that thing called Boredom. You get bored when the human side surfaces realizing that anything worth having you gotta work at, and sometimes that's too much like putting effort into something that might fail, so you simply shut them out, shut yourself off from them, cause well, that's what you've always done and it works. Only thing is, in the process of you being bored, you hurt the other person, You take something from them and leave them with nothing. Its easy to say, oh they'll get over it and move on, as they most likely will, but the point is, you promised to never do such a thing cause this was supposed to be different. You know you never stopped being who you were simply cause others still enjoy your personality and your conversation but to the one who truly matters, you simply become someone inside their computer, turning them on and off at will. In a perfect world this would never happen, but this individual often told you the world is not perfect. You just didnt realize that in a sense they expected you to be. You smile inspite of your hurt, refuse to allow yourself to sink into a depression because well you're stronger than that, and you're not a quitter, but damn.......how could you possibly get bored with someone like me. I mean hell, not only am I beautiful, sexy as hell, but well Im smart and educated and understand human nature and love good conversation. I sit and shake my head as this is a place I've never been in before, and yes in a sense my ego is suffering, but not nearly as much as my heart. My heart hurts and I need you to know that you hurt it. Whether it means anything to you or not it means something to me. I can't be one of 'them' I say that so much it seems like you slowly put me in that place. Allowed other's opinions of this 'long distance love to create distance that is irrepariable, or is it?.
Even when I broke my neck to show you there's no real distance when there's real love, I get pused away. That amazes me! But I'm not gonna go any further because I've make it apparent that I'm simply human, and if that's not enough, then go ahead tuck this email away in some neat lil file in your computer like you do all the rest of the cute lil emails, pics, videos, phone convo's and visits that once meant something, but now just occupy space inside your box.
But I want you to know something, as you surf for the next one with your charming personality and your witty style of convo, recognize that one of these days, you'll realize that you can't just go through life treating people this way simply because you're hurt and refuse to deal with your own issues, and one day my friend, its' gonna backfire and that same place that you've put me in, youll find yourself there. I refuse to stop praying and believing, nor will I ever wish any ill will on you or share what we have with another, but damn, this is fucked up and needs to be dealt with. Can I say I don't love you, nope cause I do, can I say I don't miss you, nope cause that would be me kidding myself, but I will say that being filed away because of a thing called bordom is a horrible feeling. One that I wish on no one!
I said all that to say, what's up with you, why are you ignoring me? I thought we were betta that that!
posted by TYGAH "SABRE" THOMAS | 1:52 AM
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